Speak Up: Communicating With Seasoned Grace

This post is based on Colossians 4:6-11.

v.6 Let your speech always be gracious, 

                                                 seasoned with salt, 

so that you may know how

            you ought to answer each person.

What words would we use to describe our conversations?

• Negative: Boring, self-focused, angry, bitter, dissatisfied, sarcastic, gossipy, quarrelsome, crude, profane, derogatory, impatient…
• Positive: kind, loving, thoughtful, understanding, concerned for others, forgiving, joyful, thankful…

What would others say about us? Questions like this can be quite convicting. I know that my own conversations often fall far short of being “full of grace.” However, this instruction is not one more moralistic task that we must try to achieve. Rather, such a directive for our conversation is based on God’s unmerited love having been poured out for us in Christ’s life, death, and resurrection on our behalf; and poured into us through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us (Rom. 5:5,8). It is being filled with the grace of Jesus that allows us to answer appropriately in each circumstance.

The grace that is supposed to characterize our speech at all times is “charis” [in secular Greek it stood for “what delights.” A state causing or accompanying joy. As a mood charis meant “sympathy” or “kindness” and it also involved “thankfulness” and “favor”. In the NT charis refers to the work of God that brings salvation. It is the good gift that we could never earn or deserve. It transforms our hearts! Paul wrote that we are saved by grace through faith (Eph. 2:8-10) but while we can’t earn it, the goal of grace is “every good work”,

“And God is able to make all grace abound to you,

so that having all sufficiency 

                    in all things

                   at all times,     you may abound

                   in every good work.” (2 Cor. 9:8)

Not only is our conversation to be saturated with the goodness and mercy of the Lord, but it is to be “seasoned with salt.” Salt was commonly used to season and preserve food salt and thus by extension as a symbol of lasting friendship and unity. “Accordingly, in the solemn ratification of covenants, contracts, and agreements, this is a practice that continues to this day in some cultures, partaking of salt together.”

Taking care not to mix a metaphor, this “seasoned with salt” doesn’t mean that you use what might be called “salty language” after the fact that sailors are known for their bad language. However, it might be helpful to mention that as followers of Jesus we are not to curse (James 3:10) or use foul language (Eph. 4:4). In this regard, have you ever noticed that you start to sound like the people that you hang around with? Have you had co-workers whose constant use of profanity began to get in your head--where your thoughts sound like them? I have.

If grace is the character of God, then as his love is poured into our hearts we will be transformed. Grace is what is working inside of us…and works its way out in our words.  

Jesus spoke gracious words in Nazareth (Luke 4:22). Unfortunately they were what I call a “low-sodium town”! He quoted from Isaiah and even said the prophecy was fulfilled that very day. They received it well, “And all spoke well of him and marveled at the gracious words that were coming from his mouth.” It is when he started adding more salt (the revelation that the Gentiles were included) that they got angry and even tried to throw Jesus off a cliff.

What do our words reveal about us? (Matthew 12:33-37)

“Either make the tree good and its fruit good,

or make the tree bad and its fruit bad, for the tree is known by its fruit. 

You brood of vipers! How can you speak good, when you are evil? 

For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. 

  The good person out of his good treasure brings forth good, and

     the evil person out of his evil    treasure brings forth evil. 

I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account

for every careless word they speak,

            for by your words you will be justified,

         and by your words you will be condemned.”

Have you ever stopped to consider why we will be justified or condemned by our words? Words are important because they reveal what is in our hearts. This passage is not teaching that we should work hard to "talk nice" but that our internal experience of grace should be made manifest in our speech. In Acts 4:13-20 Peter and John were arrested for healing and speaking in the name of Jesus, but when commanded to stop their answer was that they couldn't help but "speak of what we have seen and heard." Our conversation should be similar if we have experienced the transforming grace of Christ.

  

What does gracious speech do? (Ephesians 4:25, 29)

Therefore, having put away falsehood,

let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor,

for we are members one of another…  

Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths,

but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion,

that it may give grace to those who hear. 

We like lists, so here is a list based on these verses, describing what gracious speech does. It…

• Stops lying
• Starts telling the truth
• Recognizes community
• Speaks nothing corrupting (No chewing or spewing!)
• Speaks only what is good, edifying, and appropriate (Acts 14:3)
• Gives grace to the hearer (see 4:15-16)

“Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love.”

Paul’s Written Example (Col. 4:7-11)

v.7 Tychicus will tell you all about my activities.

He is a beloved brother and

            faithful minister and

            fellow servant in the Lord. 

I find it instructive that after Paul writes about our need to be gracious in our speech he demonstrates it in the way he wrote his final greetings of this letter. Sometimes such personal greetings at the end of the letter get skipped over, but in this case, it is quite instructive in the art of gracious conversation that is seasoned with salt. In verse seven alone there are three positive things written about Tychicus.

• Beloved brother: (agapetos adelphos) Paul not only elevated him to the equality of brotherhood but he is also “beloved”. This is a very encouraging letter of introduction.
• faithful minister :(pistos diakonos) same term Paul uses this three times earlier in Col. 1:7, 23, 25 for Epaphras and himself. [from old root to run on errands, a gofer, a waiter; a deacon, one who, by virtue of the office assigned to him by the church, cares for the poor and has charge of and distributes the money collected for their use]
• [faithful] fellow servant: (syndoulos) and as such his job was to tell them everything because inquiring minds want to know. Paul puts these other Christian workers on the same level as himself. 

Take time to read the rest of the passage below and look for grace and salt.

⁸ I have sent him to you for this very purpose,

                that you may know how we are and

                that he may encourage your hearts, 

⁹ and with him Onesimus,

      our faithful and beloved brother, also no secrets…relationally catching up. No siloing, no back-room deals. Paul is not hiding anything from them.

¹⁰ Aristarchus my fellow prisoner greets you, and

   Mark the cousin of Barnabas

          (concerning whom you have received instructions—

         if he comes to you, welcome him), ¹¹

 and Jesus who is called Justus. 

These are the only men of the circumcision

           among my fellow workers for the kingdom of God,

                  and they have been a comfort to me. 

¹² Epaphras,

         who is one of you,

                   a servant of Christ Jesus,

                    greets you,

                                      always struggling on your behalf in his prayers,

                        that you may stand mature and

                                     fully assured in all the will of God. 

¹³ For I bear him witness that he has worked hard

                          for you and for those in Laodicea and in Hierapolis. 

¹⁴ Luke the beloved physician greets you, as does Demas. 

¹⁵ Give my greetings to the brothers at Laodicea,

                         and to Nympha and the church in her house.

¹⁶ And when this letter has been read among you,

                                 have it also read in the church of the Laodiceans;

                 and see that you also read the letter from Laodicea. 

¹⁷ And say to Archippus,

                      “See that you fulfill the ministry

                               that you have received in the Lord.”

¹⁸ I, Paul, write this greeting with my own hand. 

          Remember my chains.

               Grace be with you.

What did you find? The “full of grace” part is easy, but where is the seasoning with salt? Here are a few suggestions:

• v.9 Onesimus again called a brother, perhaps as a reminder to Philemon (i.e., did you get it?).
• v. 8-9 Paul had no secrets but made provision for the Colossians to know all about his ministry since they were family in Christ.        
• v. 16 These letters were to be shared among the churches, not kept to themselves.
• In each case, Paul was setting them up to win, through introductions, affirmations, and encouragements.
• v.17 This may appear to be a special “get to work” message for Aristarchus but it is at least as likely that instead of being corrected he is being commended. Some think that he was serving as their pastor.

My final word is to quote Paul’s final word, “Grace be with you.” By titling this post, "Speak Up" I am not saying we need to talk louder or more forcefully, but that our conversation should be up-building to those who hear. 

For Further study:

Old Testament = Psalm 50:16-21; 52:2-4; 71:23-24; 139:4; Proverbs 10:19-21, 31-32; 12:17-19; 15:1-2, 4; 21:6; 28:23;  Jeremiah 9:7-9; 23:30-32; Hosea 7:16; Micah 6:11-13.

New Testament = John 1:14; Titus 3:1-2; Eph. 6:20; Phil. 1:14; Col. 4:4; Heb. 11:13-15; James 1:19-20; 3:1-12; 1 Peter 3:9-11.

Rethinking “Don’t Talk to Strangers!”

In my recent post, Love…Kick It Up a Notch, on Matthew 5:43-48 I don’t think that I gave adequate attention to v. 47, and so I will attempt to do it justice in a post of its own.

            And if you greet only your brothers, 

                         what more are you doing than others?

Do not even the Gentiles do the same?

                      You therefore                must be perfect,

                               as your heavenly Father is perfect.

Cardinal Rules

Let's take a moment to think about all the "cardinal rules" that we try to instill in our children for their safety and success. How many can you list? Here are a few I remember: “Look both ways before you cross the street”, “Use your manners”, “Wash your hands after going to the bathroom”, “Don’t play with fire” [“Stop, Drop, and Roll” when fire plays with you], “Cover your mouth when you sneeze” are a few. Then there is the dire warning “Don’t talk to strangers!” It is the medieval bogeyman warning clothed in our post-modern fears. While this protective advice is well intended, studies have shown that it is not usually strangers that are the predatory child abusers, but those who groom children and families from within their circle of trust. So what about our not talking to strangers? Kids should probably not talk to adult strangers without their parents present, but they should feel free to speak to other kids their age freely.

I wonder if our deeply ingrained childhood mores of “stranger danger” carry over into our adult lives and work against the declared mission of God? I think it might be part of the problem.

Gracious, If Not Gregarious Greetings

I don’t want to skip over passages like Matthew 5:47, even though they may be uncomfortable for introverts like myself. The Apostle Paul’s normal greeting involved the customary Jewish blessing of “Peace” with the addition of “Grace” from God through Jesus Christ. How do we greet others? Do we speak encouragingly to strangers or just to those in our circle? Do we deem some as not worthy of our greeting?

I often wonder how many people I see during the day have no one actually speak to them beyond taking their coffee order. Likewise, how many human tragedies could be prevented simply by taking time to sincerely greet people and to listen to their stories? Jesus says that his kingdom of heaven kind of love reaches beyond our comfortably narrow cultural circles to touch those in the margins. Do we have that kind of love? Jesus when he healed the leper touched him…the thing that he would have been longing for.

Sociologically, we are predisposed to associate with those most like us. However, Jesus challenges our preferred circle of connections. His challenge to perfection implies that we relate to people as he does. Does God talk to strangers? I think so…

• Jesus had a conversation with a “relationally-challenged” Samaritan woman at a well outside of Sychar (John 4:1-43). He broke all social and cultural barriers of his day in doing so. How did it turn out? Messy, it cost him 48 hours, but cool in that “many Samaritans from that town believed in him because of the woman's testimony… And many more believed because of his word.” (v.39-42)
• Jesus sent a large group of his disciples out into all the towns and villages to proclaim the good news of the kingdom to people (Matthew 10:5-14; Luke 9:1-6). They were to greet those they met with a greeting of peace, and if that person was a man of peace or if peace was in that household then their greeting of peace would remain upon them like a blessing.
• Philip had a conversation with an Ethiopian eunuch who was driving by on a dusty road (Acts 8:26-40). How did that turn out? He helped to answer the deep spiritual questions the man was wrestling with and saw an immediate transformation as evidenced by his baptism and rejoicing
• Paul spoke to a crippled stranger at Lystra and healed him (Acts 14:8-18). How did that turn out? The man was healed and the whole city thought they must be gods come to earth and wanted to offer sacrifices to them. This response by the people resulted in much more frantic “talking to strangers” on the part of Paul and Barnabas, to clear up the misunderstanding.
• On the road to Emmaus (Luke 24:13-35), Jesus spoke to two disciples while in the disguise of a stranger. Even though he really knew who they were, he asked, “What is this conversation that you are holding with each other as you walk?” (v.17) His question gently broke into their moment of grief and despair. They were stunned and didn’t know how to answer at first because of their sadness. They couldn’t imagine that their pain was not common knowledge to all. Jesus teased out a further explanation with the simple question, “What things?” before confronting their error and explaining how the whole Old Testament spoke about him (v.27).

So what are the lessons that we can learn from examples like these?

• Sometimes talking to strangers is fruitfully counter-cultural.
• Sometimes talking to strangers prepares their heart to hear Jesus.
• Sometimes our conversation is a divine appointment.
• Sometimes talking to strangers has unforeseen consequences.
• Sometimes talking to strangers can answer deep concerns they have been carrying and restore their hope.

Sometimes, in fact, often, talking to strangers opens up a can of worms that we would just as soon avoid. Yet, it can be worth it. If we take Jesus’ words seriously, he not only tells us to “talk to strangers” but commissions and sends us out to do so (Matthew 28:19-20; Mark 16:15; Luke 2:47-48; Acts 7:8).

So, how wide is our love? How big is our circle? Where do we draw the line about who we talk to? Do we draw the line at our front door? Or do our “greetings” stop at the church door, the socio-economic door, or maybe at the ethnicity, language, and citizenship doors? Jesus doesn’t draw such lines. Sure, he came first to the sheep of the house of Israel—but only to fulfill the prophetic plan to bring the blessing of God to the whole world. 

We live in a world that is self-focused and task-oriented enough that we might walk past many people in the course of a day without noticing the image of God in them. So honestly, as followers of Christ, how different are we from those who don’t know the gospel of the kingdom? If the answer is, “Not very,” then have we really heard and obeyed the message Jesus spoke? Not hardly!

Bloggers talk to strangers all the time…but from behind the safety glass and avatars of the internet. Most of us don’t know who, if anyone is reading our work. There are a few people who comment, but only a small percentage. Ironically, as I was writing this article I greeted a stranger sitting at another table at Starbucks and ended up having a divine appointment with the man, who turned out to be a children’s pastor visiting America from West Africa. It didn’t help me finish this post, but it helped me to believe it!

Seven simple suggestions for our conversations:

1. Ask engaging questions without interrogating (Acts 8:30 and other examples above).
2. Listen carefully and prayerfully (James 1:19-20).
3. Let our speech always be gracious and seasoned with salt (John 1:14; Col. 4:5-6).
4. Be humble, not proud (Luke 14:11; Matt 23:12; James 4:6; 1 Peter 5:5).
5. Don’t argue about foolish things (2 Timothy 2:23-26).
6. Proclaim the good news (talk about Jesus) through your testimony (Mark 1:38; Acts 4:13-20 ).
7. Be prepared to give a winsome answer for our hope (1 Peter 3:8-16).

So when was the last time we started a conversation with a stranger? Try asking God who you should talk to on his behalf today…and then do it.