Rethinking “Don’t Talk to Strangers!”

In my recent post, Love…Kick It Up a Notch, on Matthew 5:43-48 I don’t think that I gave adequate attention to v. 47, and so I will attempt to do it justice in a post of its own.

            And if you greet only your brothers, 

                         what more are you doing than others?

Do not even the Gentiles do the same?

                      You therefore                must be perfect,

                               as your heavenly Father is perfect.

Cardinal Rules

Let's take a moment to think about all the "cardinal rules" that we try to instill in our children for their safety and success. How many can you list? Here are a few I remember: “Look both ways before you cross the street”, “Use your manners”, “Wash your hands after going to the bathroom”, “Don’t play with fire” [“Stop, Drop, and Roll” when fire plays with you], “Cover your mouth when you sneeze” are a few. Then there is the dire warning “Don’t talk to strangers!” It is the medieval bogeyman warning clothed in our post-modern fears. While this protective advice is well intended, studies have shown that it is not usually strangers that are the predatory child abusers, but those who groom children and families from within their circle of trust. So what about our not talking to strangers? Kids should probably not talk to adult strangers without their parents present, but they should feel free to speak to other kids their age freely.

I wonder if our deeply ingrained childhood mores of “stranger danger” carry over into our adult lives and work against the declared mission of God? I think it might be part of the problem.

Gracious, If Not Gregarious Greetings

I don’t want to skip over passages like Matthew 5:47, even though they may be uncomfortable for introverts like myself. The Apostle Paul’s normal greeting involved the customary Jewish blessing of “Peace” with the addition of “Grace” from God through Jesus Christ. How do we greet others? Do we speak encouragingly to strangers or just to those in our circle? Do we deem some as not worthy of our greeting?

I often wonder how many people I see during the day have no one actually speak to them beyond taking their coffee order. Likewise, how many human tragedies could be prevented simply by taking time to sincerely greet people and to listen to their stories? Jesus says that his kingdom of heaven kind of love reaches beyond our comfortably narrow cultural circles to touch those in the margins. Do we have that kind of love? Jesus when he healed the leper touched him…the thing that he would have been longing for.

Sociologically, we are predisposed to associate with those most like us. However, Jesus challenges our preferred circle of connections. His challenge to perfection implies that we relate to people as he does. Does God talk to strangers? I think so…

• Jesus had a conversation with a “relationally-challenged” Samaritan woman at a well outside of Sychar (John 4:1-43). He broke all social and cultural barriers of his day in doing so. How did it turn out? Messy, it cost him 48 hours, but cool in that “many Samaritans from that town believed in him because of the woman's testimony… And many more believed because of his word.” (v.39-42)
• Jesus sent a large group of his disciples out into all the towns and villages to proclaim the good news of the kingdom to people (Matthew 10:5-14; Luke 9:1-6). They were to greet those they met with a greeting of peace, and if that person was a man of peace or if peace was in that household then their greeting of peace would remain upon them like a blessing.
• Philip had a conversation with an Ethiopian eunuch who was driving by on a dusty road (Acts 8:26-40). How did that turn out? He helped to answer the deep spiritual questions the man was wrestling with and saw an immediate transformation as evidenced by his baptism and rejoicing
• Paul spoke to a crippled stranger at Lystra and healed him (Acts 14:8-18). How did that turn out? The man was healed and the whole city thought they must be gods come to earth and wanted to offer sacrifices to them. This response by the people resulted in much more frantic “talking to strangers” on the part of Paul and Barnabas, to clear up the misunderstanding.
• On the road to Emmaus (Luke 24:13-35), Jesus spoke to two disciples while in the disguise of a stranger. Even though he really knew who they were, he asked, “What is this conversation that you are holding with each other as you walk?” (v.17) His question gently broke into their moment of grief and despair. They were stunned and didn’t know how to answer at first because of their sadness. They couldn’t imagine that their pain was not common knowledge to all. Jesus teased out a further explanation with the simple question, “What things?” before confronting their error and explaining how the whole Old Testament spoke about him (v.27).

So what are the lessons that we can learn from examples like these?

• Sometimes talking to strangers is fruitfully counter-cultural.
• Sometimes talking to strangers prepares their heart to hear Jesus.
• Sometimes our conversation is a divine appointment.
• Sometimes talking to strangers has unforeseen consequences.
• Sometimes talking to strangers can answer deep concerns they have been carrying and restore their hope.

Sometimes, in fact, often, talking to strangers opens up a can of worms that we would just as soon avoid. Yet, it can be worth it. If we take Jesus’ words seriously, he not only tells us to “talk to strangers” but commissions and sends us out to do so (Matthew 28:19-20; Mark 16:15; Luke 2:47-48; Acts 7:8).

So, how wide is our love? How big is our circle? Where do we draw the line about who we talk to? Do we draw the line at our front door? Or do our “greetings” stop at the church door, the socio-economic door, or maybe at the ethnicity, language, and citizenship doors? Jesus doesn’t draw such lines. Sure, he came first to the sheep of the house of Israel—but only to fulfill the prophetic plan to bring the blessing of God to the whole world. 

We live in a world that is self-focused and task-oriented enough that we might walk past many people in the course of a day without noticing the image of God in them. So honestly, as followers of Christ, how different are we from those who don’t know the gospel of the kingdom? If the answer is, “Not very,” then have we really heard and obeyed the message Jesus spoke? Not hardly!

Bloggers talk to strangers all the time…but from behind the safety glass and avatars of the internet. Most of us don’t know who, if anyone is reading our work. There are a few people who comment, but only a small percentage. Ironically, as I was writing this article I greeted a stranger sitting at another table at Starbucks and ended up having a divine appointment with the man, who turned out to be a children’s pastor visiting America from West Africa. It didn’t help me finish this post, but it helped me to believe it!

Seven simple suggestions for our conversations:

1. Ask engaging questions without interrogating (Acts 8:30 and other examples above).
2. Listen carefully and prayerfully (James 1:19-20).
3. Let our speech always be gracious and seasoned with salt (John 1:14; Col. 4:5-6).
4. Be humble, not proud (Luke 14:11; Matt 23:12; James 4:6; 1 Peter 5:5).
5. Don’t argue about foolish things (2 Timothy 2:23-26).
6. Proclaim the good news (talk about Jesus) through your testimony (Mark 1:38; Acts 4:13-20 ).
7. Be prepared to give a winsome answer for our hope (1 Peter 3:8-16).

So when was the last time we started a conversation with a stranger? Try asking God who you should talk to on his behalf today…and then do it.