Rethinking “Don’t Talk to Strangers!”

In my recent post, Love…Kick It Up a Notch, on Matthew 5:43-48 I don’t think that I gave adequate attention to v. 47, and so I will attempt to do it justice in a post of its own.

            And if you greet only your brothers, 

                         what more are you doing than others?

Do not even the Gentiles do the same?

                      You therefore                must be perfect,

                               as your heavenly Father is perfect.

Cardinal Rules

Let's take a moment to think about all the "cardinal rules" that we try to instill in our children for their safety and success. How many can you list? Here are a few I remember: “Look both ways before you cross the street”, “Use your manners”, “Wash your hands after going to the bathroom”, “Don’t play with fire” [“Stop, Drop, and Roll” when fire plays with you], “Cover your mouth when you sneeze” are a few. Then there is the dire warning “Don’t talk to strangers!” It is the medieval bogeyman warning clothed in our post-modern fears. While this protective advice is well intended, studies have shown that it is not usually strangers that are the predatory child abusers, but those who groom children and families from within their circle of trust. So what about our not talking to strangers? Kids should probably not talk to adult strangers without their parents present, but they should feel free to speak to other kids their age freely.

I wonder if our deeply ingrained childhood mores of “stranger danger” carry over into our adult lives and work against the declared mission of God? I think it might be part of the problem.

Gracious, If Not Gregarious Greetings

I don’t want to skip over passages like Matthew 5:47, even though they may be uncomfortable for introverts like myself. The Apostle Paul’s normal greeting involved the customary Jewish blessing of “Peace” with the addition of “Grace” from God through Jesus Christ. How do we greet others? Do we speak encouragingly to strangers or just to those in our circle? Do we deem some as not worthy of our greeting?

I often wonder how many people I see during the day have no one actually speak to them beyond taking their coffee order. Likewise, how many human tragedies could be prevented simply by taking time to sincerely greet people and to listen to their stories? Jesus says that his kingdom of heaven kind of love reaches beyond our comfortably narrow cultural circles to touch those in the margins. Do we have that kind of love? Jesus when he healed the leper touched him…the thing that he would have been longing for.

Sociologically, we are predisposed to associate with those most like us. However, Jesus challenges our preferred circle of connections. His challenge to perfection implies that we relate to people as he does. Does God talk to strangers? I think so…

• Jesus had a conversation with a “relationally-challenged” Samaritan woman at a well outside of Sychar (John 4:1-43). He broke all social and cultural barriers of his day in doing so. How did it turn out? Messy, it cost him 48 hours, but cool in that “many Samaritans from that town believed in him because of the woman's testimony… And many more believed because of his word.” (v.39-42)
• Jesus sent a large group of his disciples out into all the towns and villages to proclaim the good news of the kingdom to people (Matthew 10:5-14; Luke 9:1-6). They were to greet those they met with a greeting of peace, and if that person was a man of peace or if peace was in that household then their greeting of peace would remain upon them like a blessing.
• Philip had a conversation with an Ethiopian eunuch who was driving by on a dusty road (Acts 8:26-40). How did that turn out? He helped to answer the deep spiritual questions the man was wrestling with and saw an immediate transformation as evidenced by his baptism and rejoicing
• Paul spoke to a crippled stranger at Lystra and healed him (Acts 14:8-18). How did that turn out? The man was healed and the whole city thought they must be gods come to earth and wanted to offer sacrifices to them. This response by the people resulted in much more frantic “talking to strangers” on the part of Paul and Barnabas, to clear up the misunderstanding.
• On the road to Emmaus (Luke 24:13-35), Jesus spoke to two disciples while in the disguise of a stranger. Even though he really knew who they were, he asked, “What is this conversation that you are holding with each other as you walk?” (v.17) His question gently broke into their moment of grief and despair. They were stunned and didn’t know how to answer at first because of their sadness. They couldn’t imagine that their pain was not common knowledge to all. Jesus teased out a further explanation with the simple question, “What things?” before confronting their error and explaining how the whole Old Testament spoke about him (v.27).

So what are the lessons that we can learn from examples like these?

• Sometimes talking to strangers is fruitfully counter-cultural.
• Sometimes talking to strangers prepares their heart to hear Jesus.
• Sometimes our conversation is a divine appointment.
• Sometimes talking to strangers has unforeseen consequences.
• Sometimes talking to strangers can answer deep concerns they have been carrying and restore their hope.

Sometimes, in fact, often, talking to strangers opens up a can of worms that we would just as soon avoid. Yet, it can be worth it. If we take Jesus’ words seriously, he not only tells us to “talk to strangers” but commissions and sends us out to do so (Matthew 28:19-20; Mark 16:15; Luke 2:47-48; Acts 7:8).

So, how wide is our love? How big is our circle? Where do we draw the line about who we talk to? Do we draw the line at our front door? Or do our “greetings” stop at the church door, the socio-economic door, or maybe at the ethnicity, language, and citizenship doors? Jesus doesn’t draw such lines. Sure, he came first to the sheep of the house of Israel—but only to fulfill the prophetic plan to bring the blessing of God to the whole world. 

We live in a world that is self-focused and task-oriented enough that we might walk past many people in the course of a day without noticing the image of God in them. So honestly, as followers of Christ, how different are we from those who don’t know the gospel of the kingdom? If the answer is, “Not very,” then have we really heard and obeyed the message Jesus spoke? Not hardly!

Bloggers talk to strangers all the time…but from behind the safety glass and avatars of the internet. Most of us don’t know who, if anyone is reading our work. There are a few people who comment, but only a small percentage. Ironically, as I was writing this article I greeted a stranger sitting at another table at Starbucks and ended up having a divine appointment with the man, who turned out to be a children’s pastor visiting America from West Africa. It didn’t help me finish this post, but it helped me to believe it!

Seven simple suggestions for our conversations:

1. Ask engaging questions without interrogating (Acts 8:30 and other examples above).
2. Listen carefully and prayerfully (James 1:19-20).
3. Let our speech always be gracious and seasoned with salt (John 1:14; Col. 4:5-6).
4. Be humble, not proud (Luke 14:11; Matt 23:12; James 4:6; 1 Peter 5:5).
5. Don’t argue about foolish things (2 Timothy 2:23-26).
6. Proclaim the good news (talk about Jesus) through your testimony (Mark 1:38; Acts 4:13-20 ).
7. Be prepared to give a winsome answer for our hope (1 Peter 3:8-16).

So when was the last time we started a conversation with a stranger? Try asking God who you should talk to on his behalf today…and then do it.

Loving Your Enemies…Kick It Up a Notch (Matthew 5:43-48)

In the last post  we saw that when faced with persecution disciples who follow Jesus are called to:

1. Respond to others better than they deserve.
2. Give them more than they try to take.
3. Go further and work harder than they can demand.
4. Care more relationally than they actually expect.

Jesus did all four of these things for us… And he did them out of His love for us. This is a thought that we need to keep in mind as we wrestle with applying Jesus words here in Matthew 5:43-48 on love, greeting, and common grace.

What They had heard… (v. 43)

                       You have heard that it was said,

                      ‘You shall love your neighbor

                                and hate your enemy.’

They heard the first part right, but got into trouble by assuming that its opposite must also be true. There is no command to “hate your enemy” in the Law. This addition was the Pharisaic equivalent to the many non-biblical factoids that contemporary Christians like to quote as if they were biblical. A “factoid” is a false report; based on fake or unreliable data that has been repeated often enough (and seen in print) that it is believed to be true. There are plenty of website that are happy to list some of these sayings. Here are some non-biblical Christian factoids which are commonly quoted:

o   “God helps those who help themselves.” [Greek mythology…attributed to Aesop]

o   “Cleanliness is next to godliness.” [A Persian/Hebrew saying]

o   “Hate the sin, love the sinner.” [Augustine 426, Gandhi 1929]

o   “Money is the root of all evil.” [a misquote of 1 Timothy 6:10]

o   “The lion shall lay down with the lamb.”  [Isaiah 11:6 actually the wolf and lamb…]

o   “God just wants me to be happy.” [Not on the list, happiness is dependent upon circumstances…God wants something better and more counter-intuitive than that, even though many interpret the beatitudes as “Happy are…” instead of “Blessed are…”]

o   “God won’t give you more than you can handle.” [It seems that almost everything in more than we can handle…on our own! We were not made to be independent of God and family.]

o   “Bad things happen to good people.” [Well…bad things do happen, but no one is “good”]

 

What They Should Have Heard…

There is ample testimony on this subject of loving neighbors as well as a righteous response to one’s enemies in the Old Testament which the Pharisees and the people should have heard and not forgotten. These verses reveal something of the mercy of God that had either been forgotten or ignored by the leaders of his day.

"Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against one of your people, but love your neighbor as yourself.  I am the Lord." (Leviticus 19:18)

“If you come across your enemy’s ox or donkey wandering off, be sure to take it back to him. 5 If you see the donkey of someone who hates you fallen down under its load, do not leave it there; be sure you help him with it.”  (Exodus 23:4-5)

“If your enemy is hungry, give him food to eat; if he is thirsty, give him water to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head, and the Lord will reward you.”  (Proverbs 25:21-22; quoted in Rom. 12:20)

“When an alien lives with you in your land, do not mistreat him. The alien living with you must be treated as one of your native-born. Love him as yourself, for you were aliens in Egypt. I am the Lord your God.”  (Leviticus 19:33-34) 

What Should We Do? (v. 44-45)

         But I say to you,

                        Love your enemies and

                        pray for those who persecute you,

             so that you may be sons

                            of your Father who is in heaven.

As we follow Jesus in kingdom discipleship then our loving and merciful actions and attitudes will begin to show a family resemblance! D.A. Carson comments, "To be persecuted because of righteousness is to align oneself with the prophets (5:12); but to bless and pray for those who persecute us is to align oneself with the character of God."  

What kind of love does Jesus ask us to show to our enemies? R. Kent Hughes comments that,

There are people for whom we have a spontaneous, natural, instinctive love. We do not have to make any effort to love them—we just do. Jesus is not asking us to have a romantic love or a buddy love or a family love or an emotional love for our enemies. What he commands is an agape love—that is, a deliberate, intelligent, determined love—an invincible goodwill toward them.[1]

But if we determine to love them and then act on that love in prayer and merciful deeds, God just might surprise us and change our heart as well as theirs.

I find it very helpful to keep in mind the timing of God’s love for me and for his followers wherever they may be. It is when I think that God can only love me when I am perfect before him that I act out of my own fear and insecurity to judge and disdain others (in an effort to make myself look better).

When does God love us? (Romans 5:6-11)

This passage in Romans 5 makes a very clear and progressively profound statement about God’s love for us. Look for the repeated phrase, “while we were”,

For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. ⁷ For one will scarcely die for a righteous person—though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die— ⁸ but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. ⁹ Since, therefore, we have now been justified by his blood, much more shall we be saved by him from the wrath of God. ¹⁰ For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, now that we are reconciled, shall we be saved by his life. ¹¹ More than that, we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.

The answer is clear. God chose to love us and manifested that love in redemptive action—while we were… still weak (6), still sinners (8), and his enemies (10). Wow! So what does that say about the love and mercy we should show to others?

Homework assignment: Pray for your “enemy” daily for 30 days. At least weekly, take a few moments to record:

• how you pray,
• how they change, and
• how you change.

One comment about how to pray, is that we are to “pray for” them. This doesn’t mean to “pray against” them. A few years ago there was a humorous country song entitled, Praying for You, that took the command to “pray for” in terms of praying an imprecation (praying God’s judgment down upon the perpetrator) on the “enemy”. While the song is all too true to human nature and to our culture, Jesus called us to pray more mercifully than that.

Common Grace and Uncommon Love (v.46-48).        

For he makes his sun rise on the evil and

                                          on the good,

                  and sends rain on the just

                                   and on the unjust. 

             For if you love those who love you,

                                    what reward do you have?

Do not even the tax collectors do the same?

            And if you greet only your brothers,

                  what more are you doing than others?

Do not even the Gentiles         do the same?

                      You therefore                must be perfect,

                               as your heavenly Father is perfect.

It is his sun… he gives light to all regardless of their moral character. God also sends the rain, it doesn’t happen by chance, and it comes to just and unjust alike. Sun and rain, essentials for life all the more appropriate metaphors for God’s loving provision for the agrarian society listening to Jesus’ words. God’s love was wider than they thought.

So, how wide is our love? Do we speak encouragingly to strangers or just to those in our circle? Do we deem some as not worthy of our greeting? I often wonder how many people I see during the day actually have anyone actually talk to them beyond taking their coffee order. Jesus says that his kind of love reaches beyond our cultural circles to touch those in the margins. So how different are we from those who don’t know the gospel of the kingdom? If the answer is, “Not very,” have we really listened to and obeyed the message Jesus spoke?

Jesus tells us that we must be perfect (Greek = teleios) but what does that mean? R.T. France writes that the meaning of “teleios is wider than moral perfection: it indicates completeness, wholeness, a life totally integrated to the will of God and thus reflecting his character.”[2] It is instructive to see that the only other use of teleios in Matthew is in 19:20-21 where Jesus is pointing out the compartmentalized heart of a rich young man who was holding back from full commitment to following Christ. Is there anything in our lives that might keep us from following Jesus into the merciful love of his missional kingdom?

Perfect means brought to completion, full-grown, lacking nothing. Jesus is saying to the people of that day, as well as to us now, that they and we should not be satisfied with half-way obedience to the law of love, as were the scribes and Pharisees, who never penetrated the heart of the law.[3]

Perfect is where following Jesus leads. It is the goal towards which we journey together. But we followers of Jesus can’t journey together without love and mercy to share. And frankly no one from outside would want to go with us either. Mercy remembers that Jesus set us free from the guilt of our past. We all have a past, and having been delivered from that ugly history by the mercy of God in Jesus Christ (1 Cor. 6:9-11) we are called to share it with others (2 Cor. 5:14-21).

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[1] Hughes, The Sermon on the Mount, 143.

[2] R.T. France, Matthew, 129. 

[3] Hendricksen, The Gospel of Matthew, 317.